Monday, January 21, 2013

Simple Principles to Become Your Ideal Self - Part Two



Often, the toughest part of every journey is making the decision to go on the journey and taking that first step. The best part about this is the more you make decisions to take journeys, and the more you take those first steps the easier it becomes. You turn into a person of action. Prior to starting this blog, I spent two years confusing myself with thoughts that bounced from anxiety to depression. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I was deathly afraid of finding myself locked into a career I hated. The only thing that frightened me more was finding myself in a job where I didn’t make a difference but was just too comfortable to leave. It wasn’t until I made my decision to take that first step that those things really started to improve.

 4. “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened.” ~ Mark Twain
What is the worst that could happen? Follow the instructions below to take the teeth out of our fears.


Taking that first step can often be frightening. You might not know exactly what the outcome of your actions will be. To truly move past these concerns, it can be very productive to really examine what the worst-case scenario is. Identify on a scale of 1-10 how permanent each of the potential negative outcomes could be and what it would take to fix them. You will find that once you clearly identify what is holding you back, you will realize that the shark has no teeth. At the end of the day inaction is far worse than the frightening possibilities you may have conjured up to keep yourself from taking those first steps.

As a child, I was regularly inside my head, letting the simplest things worry me and depress me to the point where suicide started to become an option. Thankfully my mother in her foresight was able to see the path that I was on and realized that a permanent course correction was required to get me on a successful path that would shape the rest of my life.

It was a place called P.S. Academy, a school for Tae Kwon Do and leadership development, in Naperville, Illinois, where I began to come into my own. It became my safe haven.  It was a place where I felt supported and rewarded for my personal growth. As a beginner, I was supported in learning all the building blocks that would later make me a successful martial artist. After about a month, I took my first test. It was for my yellow belt. Following the test, the instructor called everyone in the training room to attention and announced my results. I had passed! My first mile marker had been achieved, and the entire class applauded. I didn’t know what to do.  There were all these people who had helped me and supported me.

5. Small victories should be celebrated. Some change can occur instantly. Most change comes through a progression of small victories. Take every opportunity to allow yourself the pleasure of feeling good about each victory.

It was at that moment that a new belief about myself began to form; I was actually worth other people’s time. For a pre-teen who had assumed otherwise, it was a huge moment that started a paradigm shift in my life.

I would love to say that I accelerated my successes and I became a champion martial artist over night, easily able to teach the bullies at school a lesson. My development while progressive did take time and some amazing mentors. My first three years were filled with challenges and failures just as much as successes. For each challenge, there was an instructor or higher ranking student who was there ready and willing to help me. Several times there were moments when I felt as though things were too tough, forcing me to regress back into my shell. These moments made me want to quit. Whenever this happened the senior instructors along with my mother were there to quickly act, reminding me of all the things I had accomplished and remind me that with steadfast dedication and practice I could achieve my goals. This consistency made me more dedicated to achieving my desired results.
6. Proceed as if success is guaranteed.  Probably the most important line in this entire blog post, if you follow this six-word phrase, it will profoundly change your life.

These were not simply kicks and punches but a mindset of success. As I progressed and improved my knowledge and skills, I stepped further out of my comfort zone. When I could not figure something out myself, I asked others for help. With my continued dedication, I entered the academy’s Assistant Leadership Program.  There I learned how to encourage and develop others as I had been. Helping someone reach a level of success they had never reached before is incredibly overwhelming. I saw students develop in ways I had remembered developing. It was inspiring knowing that I was able to have a hand in another person’s victory. More of my personal time was spent at the academy assisting classes and helping to organize and run events. It was inspiring to be able to give back to an organization that helped me grow so much.  

7. Find a way to give back to your community and do it regularly. Achievements are powerful things, but it is helping others that you will feel the most rewarded.

It is giving back and empowering others to grow that I have found most important. My outstanding mentors and coaches demonstrated by helping me, how to help others. They helped me realize the confident person I became. I was able to learn the skills that others used to help me blossom.  Taking those skills and using them to help other people realize their passions is now my passion. Join me each week for a positive message on how to get out of a rut and how to build a life that you are excited to live. 



Sunday, January 6, 2013

Simple Principles to Become Your Ideal Self - Part One


The bell rang, signaling the end of the day. A student rushed to his locker nervously spinning the dials, repeating the numbers over and over in his head, “7, 24, 36... 7, 24, 36. Crap! I missed it again.” His mind was busy with fifty different thoughts, the prevailing of which was running into a group of sixth graders who seemed to treasure tormenting him. If he was just able to get out of the building early enough, maybe he could avoid them. He regularly thought to himself, “I don’t understand why they chose me or how do I get them to stop.” Every day of torment drove him deeper into his proverbial shell. His confidence was destroyed the year prior by his teachers who wanted to hold him back due to low-test scores and a lack of ability to focus. He had little experience in sports and spent most of his time playing video games.

Would you believe that with the application of several simple principles this young child was able to have his entire life turned around. Not only turned around, but he was able to accomplish things that most people only dream of accomplishing?

Some of his achievements thus far, meeting and exceeding grade level in only two years of additional work, earning a bachelor’s degree, becoming a third degree black belt and Tae Kwon Do instructor, receiving a commission as a officer in the United States Army (later being promoted to Captain), completing US Army Ranger School, working as a teacher in inner city Chicago, later working as an Assistant Professor at Loyola and DePaul Universities, as well as the Illinois Institute of Technology, and completing several personal physical challenges to include an Olympic Triathlon…and much more.

The truth is that kid was me! I was a chubby, self-conscious child and lacked social, physical and organizational skills.  I was one of the shyest kids around. The catalyst for my change was being enrolled in a Tae Kwon Do academy in Naperville, IL. I owe those guys a lot from the Grandmaster to the instructing staff and all those who were students with me at the time. One of the biggest secrets to making a lasting life change stems from one of my favorite quotes.

1. You are the average of the five people you
associate with the most. ~ Jim Rohn

I have news for you, the people you spend time with affect you more than you realize. When we are children, we don’t necessarily have much control over our lives, but as we become adolescents we have the ability to choose our friends. For me, thankfully my mother made the decision for me. I was enrolled at P.S. Academy, a Tae Kwon Do studio. The following may sound redundant but it is true, the more you surround yourself with great coaches and fellow enthusiasts the better you will do at whatever activity you would like to be successful in. When you spend time with people who have achieved what you want to achieve, a magical thing starts to happen. You begin to see your goal as a tangible outcome; It becomes more attainable than could have realized on your own.

The same is true for weight loss. If you want to lose weight, the best thing you could do is to spend time around people who successfully made the journey you are looking to make. You will inevitably hear their stories of success: how they managed their lifestyle, what they chose to eat, and how they worked out. As you make these changes you will find yourself surrounded with a supportive group of friends. These friends will know what it takes to achieve the outcomes you desire.  People in this world want the people around them to be successful.

“I knew nothing about martial arts. The coach told me I was talented with learning martial art, and put me in a school. Three years later I got my first championship in China.”
~ Jet Li

2. Get a coach or mentor, and learn quicker and easier than you would on your own.

With a physical skill, just hanging out with a bunch of amazing tennis players will not make you an amazing tennis player yourself. Geoff Colvin author of Wall Street Journal and BuisnessWeek bestseller, Talent is Overrated: What Really Separates World Class Performers from Everybody Else, breaks down what makes the top performers great. “It’s apparent why becoming significantly good at almost anything is extremely difficult without the help of a teacher or coach…Without a clear, unbiased view of the subject’s performance, choosing the best practice activity will be impossible; for reasons that may be simply physical (as in sports) or deeply psychological, very few of us can make a clear, honest assessment of our own performance.” He goes on to explain the importance of deliberate practice, as identifying and working to improve “sharply defined elements of performance.” Finding a coach for any task you wish to learn or develop is crucial for your achieving greatness. Only an experienced individual can make sure you are practicing the action correctly.

These concepts stretch across all disciplines: artists, businessmen, musicians, and any other type of task you wish to learn. Find a coach or a mentor and you will be able succeed much faster and with far fewer failures. For centuries many martial arts instructors as well as coaches of all disciplines have realized that the right types of practice are crucial for developing greatness. This is where only part of the magic of my transformation began.

“We become what we repeatedly do.” ~ Sean Covey
3. What ever you want to be great at, do it often. If you fail, thats ok, keep failing better. Act as if persistance is a guarantee to success. If you do it will be!